Uncomfortable Silence

I love listening to the radio; have since I was five years old, hiding under the covers of my bed with my plastic transistor AM magically capturing voices and music from far off cities and exotic places like Chicago, Little Rock, Council Bluffs, and Minneapolis. Now, more than forty years later, I live in one of those “far off cities” and go to work every day in one of the finest radio facilities in the county. The people on the radio are my colleagues, and I approve their broadcasting activities from exotic places. Now, I listen to the radio in the bathroom and the shower, in my car, in my office, in the studio, in my garage, in my backyard, and even on the airplane (podcasts are great). Radio is my near-constant companion, filling the places and time whenever I am alone.

So, I surprised myself earlier this week when I decided that I would “fast” from my car radio at least one morning each week during our Cornerstone Fast. I decided that, instead of listening to the radio on my way to work, I would try, instead, to listen for God in the silence of my car. This may not seem like a big deal -- giving up my car radio one morning a week -- but anyone who knows me will tell you otherwise.

Wednesday morning, I had to be to work early, which meant that Debbie would take Sarah to school and I would be alone in the car from my house to my office. I got in the car, and switched off the radio, and headed down the driveway. Everything seemed to be going great for the first few blocks. Without the radio, I turned by thoughts to God and began silently praying, Well, not so much praying, as running through all the cares and concerns in my head, and asking God for things. I’m sure it went something like this…

“God, you know I’ve got a tough day, today, so please give me the right words to say and help me make good decisions, and you know I’m worried about my dad, so please heal his arm and encourage him, and strengthen Nathlie, and heal Josie from her cancer, and help Tim and Sara find jobs, and heal John from his lymphoma and Don from his cancer, and encourage Michael, and comfort Suzanne, and surround Beth and Mitch with people who love you and who will draw them closer to you, and be with Sarah at school and Debbie at work and…and…and…”

Then it hit me. I was filling this unfamiliar and uncomfortable silence by telling God all the things He already knows, and I was not listening for Him. I tried to quiet my thoughts, but my ears began to tune in the noises of the engine and the tires on the street and the passing traffic. This was (is) going to be much harder than I thought.

I eventually made it to work, and must report that I did not hear a special message from God on Wednesday morning. Maybe He had nothing to tell me, or maybe He was busy delivering a special message to one of you, or maybe He had something to tell me on Thursday morning, but I could not hear Him over the sound of my radio. There are two more weeks to go, so He's still got time.

While I was changing out of my work clothes this evening, in the quiet of my bedroom, part of a familiar verse popped into my head: “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) OK, maybe He IS trying to tell me something. As we say on the radio, “Stay tuned.”