For me, the fast has been more determined perseverance than joyful engagement, to use Terri's phrases. I haven't abandoned my plans or made them easier, but I'm not sure how often I've actually avoided distraction and listened either. Because God is faithful, I've learned some things in the process, but I wonder if it could have been better.
I find it easy to go from messing up to giving up. When I realize I haven't done something right, I often want to just quit the whole thing. Let somebody else do it, or abandon it altogether. Start again in a year when I'll have a clean slate and can do it right.
Doing that builds a certain kind of character, and it's not the kind of character I want to have. And I'm starting to understand that it's not the kind of character I need to have to play my part in building the kingdom of heaven. Instead, I need to learn to correct the mistakes while they're small and immediately start again.
So with a week of the fast left, I'm going to try to be more deliberate about listening and engagement. This week isn't just going to be avoiding the things I've given up, but instead will be taking up what I'm choosing to do instead. It's a new start.
My encouragement in this is that we serve the God of new starts. Jesus sits on the throne and says, "Behold, I am making all things new!" (Rev. 21:15) That will happen in the fullest way when we come to the new heaven and new earth, but I'm convinced that making all things new is the work of God even now. As we wait for the spring that will make the living world new again, God makes our hearts and minds new. Faithfully, He is always willing to start with us again.
Lord, re-new me. Make me who I must be to be fully yours. Help me to start again.
I have to say, for me, this fast has been 100% "JOYFUL ENGAGEMENT"!!! There is soooo much joy in my heart, that I don't have the words to explain it!
ReplyDeleteSue came over on Friday and we talked about all the things I believe the Holy Spirit has led me to through this fast....Most importantly, when I make the time and the effort, He does more than just answer my questions, He shows me love like I have never known!!! And as I did on Friday with Sue, I am weeping now! Tears of joy, and tears of great humbleness.
He has shown me, that when I daily surrender my life and my will over to Him, nothing can get in the way of a heart filled with joy! Joy that comes from having a relationship with such an AWESOME God.
Through this fast, (and with still one week to go), He has walked with me out of the depths of depression, into a MARVELOUS LIGHT!!! There is nothing I can't handle while I'm walking with Him, talking with Him, and just listening for His guidance!!!
He has shown me, that if a door closes, it is because it is meant to be closed...But He will bring something even more glorious! And just as important in building His Kingdom.
We have talked about the lessons He needed me to learn during these last 7 months...(And that list is too long to share.) But as Pastor Scott called it this morning....I have had my own "Abraham Experience".
(Am I losing you yet? Is it getting too long? Sorry, but I told you, it's been 100% joyful!)
Again, as I shared with Sue, there was a time when in a Spiritual Care meeting I said, "oh no, I can't do the Prayer Tent, I just don't feel like it's a gift of mine". He has taken that and turned it around 180 degrees! I really feel that the Holy Spirit is leading me to serve Cornerstone in this way, through prayer. (In whatever form it takes.) Maybe it's because He's shown me what I've posted before, that He loves me, and wants to be in relationship with me! (YAY God!)
So Carl....(fellow perfectionist, and partaker in the "many chances" God gives us) hit the nail on the head for me! And I want to share that with you as confirmation! "Behold, He is making all things new." And one of those things is me!
Thank you Father! Thank you!!!!!!!
I totally relate to the feeling of messing up or giving up. I also had a really hard week as far as struggles and I tend to go back to focusing on ME. I really get into the thought frame of "I'M trying so hard and everything just gets harder for ME." That's makes it even easier to just give up. Thanks Carl for reminding me to start new.
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